• Moon Mythbuster

Adam Sandler sucks

Updated: Jan 21, 2020

The difficult task of ranking Adam Sandler's eight worst-ever movies

by David Auth

With awards season in full swing, so too comes snub season, where artists, actors, fans, and everyone in between complain about not winning or being nominated for their work in a certain category. While complaints are often warranted (see Oscars So White from a few years back), there is one snub that I was fully expecting that is completely, utterly, and without question, warranted. Adam Sandler, who starred in what was a rare serious role in the 2019 film Uncut Gems was — understandably — NOT nominated in the Best Actor category for his role as Howard Ratner.

The other storyline surrounding this snub is something Sandler said in a December interview with Howard Stern before the movie had even been released. He literally vowed to make the worst movie ever on purpose if he got snubbed, to “make us all pay” or something. My response to this is, what have you been doing your entire career then Adam? Accidentally making horrible movies? Of Sandler’s 66 acting credits, the average Rotten Tomatoes score is a whopping 32%. So with that in mind, plus the rage I’m feeling towards Adam Sandler and the fact that he feels he deserves an Oscar, now is the perfect time to rank his worst movies of all time, while noting their abysmal — and accurate — Rotten Tomatoes scores.

8. Hotel Transylvania: 44%

The sole reason this is at the top of the list here is because it is an animated movie, and while I do still have to suffer through listening to Sandler’s voice, I don’t actually have to see him on the screen wearing baggy clothes and acting like he’s got a 9-inch vampire dong.

7. Murder Mystery: 44%

One of the things that is common across almost all Adam Sandler movies is that the girl his character ends up with is always a dime, and it makes me feel like that’s a big reason he keeps making movies, so he can just make out with attractive actresses. This film is no exception. For those keeping track at home, this 2019 Netflix movie is Sandler’s second time getting to star in a film in which his character is in a relationship with Jennifer Aniston. His actress hit-list is truly astounding considering it’s goddamn Adam Sandler.

6. That’s my Boy: 20%

This is a film that I guess had potential, solely because it wasn’t based just on Sandler’s character, but also Andy Samberg, who is actually funny. Had they decided to cast someone else instead of Sandler it might’ve been halfway decent, but unfortunately we’ll never know.

5. Just Go with It: 19%

First time he got to make out with Jennifer Aniston and OH WAIT, he ALSO got to be in an on-screen relationship with Brooklyn Decker. The little girl pretending to be brutish and Nick Swardson are the only redeeming qualities of this film.

4. Blended: 14%

Dear God, this is such a horrible movie. I love Terry Crews with all my heart, but even he couldn’t save this movie from disaster. This is a prime example of a movie plot that has been used thousands of times, yet Sandler decided to go ahead and make this one anyways, somehow thinking that he could make it a decent movie.

3. Grown Ups 2: 7%

One reason I respect Sandler is that he made it in Hollywood and is using his pull to get his friends into movies, and his entire posse are in the Grown-ups movies. I chose the second film because it is undoubtedly worse. It was a simple money grab relying on the credibility and response that the first film received. Kevin James, Chris Rock, David Spade, and Rob Schneider may all be good individually, but put them into a Sandler-written, Sandler-starring movie, and this film truly could not be worse.

2. Pixels: 16%

Sometimes movies will have great concepts and fail to capitalize on the potential. This is not one of those films, this movie is like if you let a group of 5 year olds sit around and think of the stupidest storyline possible, and for some reason Sandler was like "Yep let’s go ahead with this one." But despite how bad this movie is, it still somehow made almost $45,000,000 at the box office, defying all odds.

1. Jack and Jill: 3%

The Hollywood executive that listened to the pitch for Sandler playing not just one character, but also a FEMALE TWIN counterpart, and then decided to green light this cursed movie, needs to be psychologically evaluated. I cannot understand the thought process behind most of Sandler’s films, but this one is by far the most puzzling. I feel like he hears a catchy name of a film and goes all in without reading any of the script or listening to anyone else about why he shouldn’t sign on to make bad movies.

Despite all these abysmal films, I can’t say I’m not in awe at how Sandler gets to keep starring alongside dimes in all these movies. As mentioned before, I also legitimately respect him for helping his friends like the less funny David Spade and Rob Schneider. Once the dust has settled, though, I’m on the edge of my seat waiting to see the horrible film that he has promised to make for us on purpose.

462 views0 comments