• Moon Mythbuster

SOURCES SAY: Fratty Chads now using COVID-19 pickup lines: 'Any day now could be our last, babe'

It looked like the COVID-19 crisis couldn't get any worse, but hold on to your hats: in the wake of the coronavirus, Chads are growing stronger.

The particular fratty sub-species of men known as "Chads" are notorious for picking up chicks in poor taste. Now, with an apocalyptic backdrop, they are doubling down on their superpower.

"Any day now could be our last, babe," said Chad Chazton, a Beta Sig. "I totally love that line because it really shows passion while also denoting a limited time frame."

"Plus it, like, shows that I know current events," Mr. Chazton told Sources Say reporters.

The following is a harrowing list that details Mr. Chazton's pickup line repertoire, which he says he practices in the frat-house mirror twice a day.

  • "Let's self-quarantine... together."

  • "If I were coronavirus, I'd choose to infect you."

  • "Just one date, before your mom picks you up."

  • "You sound cute with pneumonia."

  • "F**k co-VID, let's co-habitate."

  • "Are you my forehead? 'Cause you're dangerously hot."

  • "Acute respiratory syndrome? More like cute respiratory syndrome."

  • "Are you a mask? 'Cause I want you on my face."

  • "Am I a thermometer? 'Cause I want to — [CENSORED]."

  • "Social distance makes my heart grow fonder."

Mr. Chazton makes sure to wear a backwards baseball cap during his practices to ensure realism. He also lifts biceps three times a week.

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