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SOURCES SAY: InfoWars host Alex Jones unravels President Howard conspiracy

by Daniel Denning

Photo courtesy of Alex Wong and Getty Images.

On February 12, RMU held an action-packed meeting in Hopwood Hall regarding proposed meal plan changes. The event was overflowing, as residents of Robert Morris waited in excited anticipation. Sources at the scene say that before the event started, it was all smiles. Free cookie dough was handed out and spirits were high. But as the meeting began, spirits took a sudden twist.

Demeanors dropped as the respected Parkhurst employees began their presentation. The smiles faded. Arms began to cross. To someone out of the loop, the event may have even looked staged.

It was hot, it was sweaty, it was… fake? That’s right, fake. At least, that’s what InfoWars host Alex Jones concluded.

Alex Jones is not new to media controversy. In 2018, he was kicked from social media platforms like Facebook, YouTube, and Apple Podcasts for promoting “hate speech.” In one instance, Mr. Jones had called the victims and survivors of a mass shooting “crisis actors.”

Mr. Jones was spotted at the event, and Sources Say reporters with the Mythbuster were able to catch up with him after.

“It’s a damn shame it had to come to this,” Mr. Jones stated. “The school is run by that kleptocrat Howard, and now he needs actors to push his narrative.”

When asked to explain what he meant, Mr. Jones replied, “I’ve already been banned from Facebook; I don’t want to be banned from RMU Sentry Media. My mouth is closed.”

While Mr. Jones avoided saying so directly, his previous comments on conspiracies of this magnitude allow us to see the implication. Alex Jones believes that Dr. Chris Howard has employed crisis actors to stand up to Parkhurst.

But why? One might ask. The answer is as clear as the shine on PNC Spoon ‘n Fork eggs in the morning. Dr. Howard wants the Parkhurst prices to go down, he needs the prices to go down. With enrollment at an all-time low, money is scarce. If Dr. Howard was able to hire actors (RMU students) to scare Parkhurst into lowering prices, the possibility of enrollment increases. Of course, Howard likely hired these actors under the table for sub-minimum wage.

It becomes even more obvious when we recognize that Dr. Howard was not even in attendance at the February 12 meeting. What was more important than a major change to the school Howard loves so much? It’s simple; Howard wouldn’t have been able to control his temper with so much on the line.

One does not simply lose the amount of testosterone that Howard accumulated through an All-American football career as well as degrees from Harvard and Oxford. His rage would have given him away, and his plan would have been soiled. This is the only obvious conclusion that one can make.

Well played Howard, well played. RMU stays on the offensive, thanks to the major revisions suggested by RMU students at the meeting. Another victory for the always heard and respected RMU students — and for Alex Jones. Whatever Howard has planned next behind the scenes, Alex Jones may have the answers.

With The Moon Mythbuster’s Sources Say unit, I’m Daniel Denning.

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