• Moon Mythbuster

SOURCES SAY: ‘It’s like free money’: Student says he chose RMU for shirt giveaways

MOON TOWNSHIP, PA — With total student debt eclipsing $1.4 trillion — even greater than last year’s federal budget deficit — most young people are seeking ways to reduce loans through jobs, scholarships, or by selecting a bargain college.

But one student says he based his college choice entirely on one metric: How many free shirts does the school give away?

Robert Morris student Arthur Nelson says he doesn’t regret his choice at all, and he has the T-shirts to prove it.

“I’m a proud Colonial — does Harvard have these babies?” Mr. Nelson said in a Sources Say interview while hoisting two coat hangers draped with a dozen free RMU T-shirts.

“Why choose a school based on silly nuisances like academics or job placement? RMU students make their money back in the first semester from Bobby Mania alone,” he added.

Mr. Nelson’s parents, however, expressed concern about their son’s financial future in light of his college choice.

“Robert Morris is a great school, but we’re worried that Artie’s lost focus on his major. He started off studying economics, but last week he petitioned the dean of academics to start a major in ‘T-shirt collection,’” Mr. Nelson’s parents told Sources Say in an email statement.

“When will it stop?” they asked.

Mr. Nelson takes a different view. He says he’s got shirts from the Office of Diversity, Inclusion and Equity, the School of Business, and even one with an iron-on headshot of Donna from RMU Dining.

“It’s like free money,” Mr. Nelson said, checking his watch. “I’ve gotta go — time to sneak myself into Sibs Weekend for an RHA shirt!”

At publishing time, RMU Police had begun investigating Mr. Nelson for hoarding.

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