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SOURCES SAY: Presidential debates to include Bingo, warm milk as senior-citizen accommodations

Former vice president Joe Biden had requested nap breaks and microwaved Ensure milk. President Trump countered with additional requests.

Sources Say reporters received exclusive word Tuesday that the campaigns of President Donald Trump and former vice president Joe Biden have agreed to senior-citizen accommodations for the upcoming debates, including Bingo, warm milk, and occasional nap breaks.

President Trump, the oldest man to be elected president, is now 74, and Mr. Biden is 77. The Commission on Senior-Citizen Debates (CSCD) met with representatives of each campaign and hashed out the details, Sources Say has found.

Mr. Biden had requested microwave-heated Ensure-brand milk as well as a minimum of four nap breaks spaced evenly throughout the debate. President Trump had countered to request a Bingo round, as well as jumbo-sized time cards so he would not have to squint.

Both men independently asked for periodic breaks to adjust dentures.

A typical presidential debate is two hours. In total, the adjustments will lengthen the debate to seven hours and 45 minutes.

The full list of senior-citizen accommodations is reproduced below:

  • Two glasses of microwaved Ensure-brand milk placed in each podium

  • Lightning-fast Bingo round (two and a half hours)

  • Eight, three-minute breaks to adjust dentures

  • Intermittent foot massage

  • Jumbo-size time-limit cards

  • Pre-debate, quarter-mile foot race (using walkers; 17 minutes allotted)

  • Extra underpants placed in each podium

  • Calendar on each podium (to remind the candidates what year it is)

  • Pronunciation guides on each podium: How to say opponent's first and last names

  • Backup hearing aids

  • Several canisters of Tums and one bottle of Pepto-Bismol

  • Jumbo-size iPad with rewind feature when each candidate inevitably forgets the question asked

  • Pre-debate dinner at 3 p.m.

  • "House" slippers for the debate floor

  • High white socks

  • An enormous bowl of hard candy, placed evenly between the candidates

  • Checkbooks, for some reason

  • Several crosswords

  • Thank-you cards for the candidates being present

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