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SOURCES SAY: RMU students circulate petition asking to install zipline from gazebo to Hale



A group of impassioned Colonials are fighting for their right to zipline.


Freshman political science major Sandra Bullhorn on Thursday posted a petition to Change.org demanding that the Chris Howard administration install a fully-funded zipline that will launch students from the gazebo all the way to Hale Center's front steps. So far, the petition has received 341 signatures.


"This movement is gaining momentum because Colonials and I believe that it is cruel and unusual punishment to walk all the way from residence halls to Hale during finals week, especially in the fall semester," Ms. Bullhorn said in a press release.


"This year's finals was like Hell on Ice," Ms. Bullhorn added.


The petitioners have got their story straight. One signee, Fred Burnside, explained his support in a scorching Facebook post.


"Imagine being subjected to Hell's eternal fires, but you're also shivering," Mr. Burnside said of his crippling experience having to walk to class in the cold.


Not all Colonials are on board, however. More than a dozen juniors and seniors, calling themselves the Old Guard, have launched a movement against the would-be zipline, saying it would "cause disturbances" and "waste tuition money."


One Old Guard member even called the petitioners "sissies" who "wouldn't have lasted five minutes on D-Day."


"I had to suffer -- they should too," said Old Guard member Nate Frock.


"OK Boomer," Ms. Bullhorn said in response.

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