The sixth Democratic debate’s best (Very True and Completely Undoctored) quotes

PBS NewsHour and Politico hosted the sixth— or seventh?— or fifth? I’m losing count— Democratic primary debate last night. Since you actually care about your own mental health and didn’t watch it, I’m here to recap the best quotes of the night that actually definitely were said and are not made up at all.

There was the good, the bad, and the ugly, but Clint Eastwood wasn’t even there, so that’s lame. Candidates discussed China, wine caves, pudding pops, and dentures. At the end, the moderators gave each candidate the chance to either “ask forgiveness” from a fellow candidate or to “give them a gift.” The most distinguished answers to this and to other hard-hitting questions below.

Best quotes of the night

Nearly every candidate had at least one baller answer that really sang to me. For that reason, I’m still undecided. Just a thought, the decision would be easier if the candidates work this out in the UFC ring or maybe on Shark Tank.

Senator Bernie Sanders

Bernie: “The American people are sick and tired of filling out forms. I mean seriously— I’m still filling out the form for the 1920 census.”

Bernie: “Guantanamo Bay should be closed… and then re-opened for any bastard who makes me fill out another form.”

Former Vice President Joe Biden

(Joe is mid-answer, Bernie is asking to speak by raising his hand at the moderator)

Joe: “Put your hand down Bernie, you’ll give yourself a third heart attack.”

Senator Elizabeth Warren

When asked if she would request forgiveness from any candidate on stage:

Liz: (Looking around waiting for someone to ask forgiveness for not believing she is Native American)

Liz: “I’d like to apologize… FOR KICKING ALL YOUR ASSES TO THE MOON!”

Businessman Andrew Yang

Yang: Literally, just “Math.”

Mayor Pete Buttigieg

Pete: (Out of frame, too short to be seen behind the podium)

Senator Amy Klobuchar

Amy: “I’m literally shaking.”

Honorable mentions

Bernie: “We’re eliminating insurance premiums. We’re eliminating co-pays. And we’re eliminating the cost of pudding pops.”

Yang: “We did the math, and we’re revising our estimate down a bit— we can still promise to guarantee every citizen a Freedom Dividend of $0.01!

Tulsi Gabbard: (For some reason is not present)

Tom Steyer: “I’d like to give you all the gift of shutting the f*** up.”

Amy: "Da f***'s a wine cave?"